Recession is inevitable, but the rats are convinced they can learn to swim before the ship sinks. Ghislaine Maxwell has her own personal flotation device, but others (here's looking at you, Shapiro) aren't going to be so fortunate. Who knows, the next organ discovered in the human body may be a latent set of gills - maybe HP Lovecraft wasn't so far off the mark.
August 12: Recession, repression, regression, & retribution
Bank of America economist says 1 in 3 chance of recession this year
Pompeo calls for allies to kick Iran while arms embargo prevents them from fighting back
Mia Khalifa complains she only earned $12k in notorious porn scene
Elderly Indian couple fights off armed robbers with furniture & slippers
August 13: White Man Bad; Facebook ends (secret) human review; who shot the sheriff?; spunky sperm smugglers snagged
**Establishment media attacks Bernie Sanders as Lefty Trump for calling out corporate capture
Facebook ends human eavesdropping on "AI-transcribed" messenger chats
FBI investigating shots fired at ICE offices as anti-fed hate crime
Danes popped for smuggling pig semen into Australia to create super-sows
August 14: Grace 1 to be freed; silver spoon Stockholm syndrome; Philly cops get more than they bargained for
Gibraltar to release Iranian tanker Grace 1 soon, sources claim
Ben Shapiro calls poverty a "you problem" around bundle of silver spoons in mouth
Botched narcotics raid turns Philadelphia neighborhood into warzone
August 15: Whistleblower fingers GE; Ghislaine Maxwell trolling; pot calls kettle black; new organ discovered; war on loneliness declared
Madoff whistleblower says GE hiding massive fraud
Ghislaine Maxwell spotted at LA burger joint reading about lives & deaths of CIA operatives
Trump calls out election rally protester's "weight problem"
New organ discovered lurking beneath the skin responsible for some pain sensations
**Medical-industrial complex testing hormones, robots for coming War on Loneliness (& loners)
August 16: USS Sore Loser sets sail; Zelaya dishes on US coup; Snopes doesn't get satire; take my nuclear cleanup bots, please!
US issues asset forfeiture warrant in desperate bid to seize Grace 1 as Gibraltar releases tanker
Coup victim Zelaya says US 'kicked him out' after he joined progressive regional alliance
Hillary's Honduras coup created opening for Trump by destroying economy & fueling migrant wave
Snopes posts 'study' claiming 28% of Republicans take Babylon Bee stories seriously, gets owned
Japan volunteers its nuclear cleanup robots for North Korean denuclearization