You know you want a Vaccine Passport.™ All the cool kids are carrying them. Just think how convenient it'll be when the cops can identify your body in under a minute when you drop dead in the middle of the street after receiving your second dose! This is the kind of efficiency we only dreamed about in the era of space exploration and flying cars. And don't you think 24/7 real-time snitch-and-bitch surveillance is a much nicer innovation than those silly flying cars? Think of the lawsuits that would have sprouted along the X, Y, and Z axes once people start driving those foolish things around! We should always think of the lawyers first, because their self-image is second only to bankers as blood-sucking overeducated mosquitos, capable of smelling blood (or money) from miles away! Remember, kids, innovation spreads OMFGVIRUS, so whatever you do, make sure someone else is already doing it. Wouldn't want to make the parasites jealous - the only things they can't buy (and thus hate with every fiber of their being) are creativity and imagination.

Dear parasites: please create your own civilization, somewhere far away. If you believe what you constantly spout about your superiority, you don't need the rest of us to feast on. Gorge yourself on Soylent Green crackers washed down with a glass of Roundup and leave the rest of us alone.

March 15: A threesome with Big Brother; an impartial jury for George Floyd 'killer'? hideous & expensive UK briefing room mocked

Inviting Big Brother into the bedroom: dating app Tinder pushes background checks

Jurors in George Floyd murder case rendered impartial by city settlement, Chauvin lawyers say

10 Downing paid £2.6 million for hideous press briefing room à l'americaine - quick, blame Russia!

March 16: How many grad ceremonies can dance on a pin's head; don't worry, we won't blackmail you again

Columbia atomizes student body with 6 graduation ceremonies celebrating race, sex & income

Texas AG absolves users of state utility Griddy after sky-high prices follow killer storm

March 17: My reality can beat up your reality; Clinton fans let loose their wishful thinking; if the media says you're dead...

**Whose reality? Media insists it's more trustworthy than your lying eyes/ears

Cult of the Clintons raises its head as Biden presidency accelerates death spiral 

"Ecuadorian FM" tweets phony announcement of Julian Assange's death

**Half of America believes someone other than Biden is making the big decisions 

March 18: US generals ensure Afghanistan remains in perpetual war; Teen Vogue editor hoisted on own petard; snitches sing their praises

Trump almost pulled US out of Afghanistan...if it weren't for those meddling generals

Newly-appointed Teen Vogue editor who made 'anti-Asian' joke 10 years ago forced to resign 

IATA hails first use of Travel Pass health-snitch app on Singapore-London flight

March 19: Fauci bedazzles with bullshit; Biden & Bush trade neocon squawks; Epstein was neoliberalism's hero 

Rand Paul calls out Fauci's 'mask theatre' as doctor defends performative fear

Biden mocked as 'Chicken Joe' for his faulty tough-guy memories of convivial chat with Putin

Amnesiac George Dubya claims he was 'horrified' by Capitol raid - but his war crimes were fine

**'Sugar baby' relationships are literally a neoliberal wet dream, so why is Denmark threatening to ban them?